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xoxo

by BITCH FITS

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1.
i could die happy right here, i wont fight for my life everyone's going outside to see who can fly and i love to fly concrete and chlorophyll fill every inch of my mind i'm always leaving this place i'm always feeling this place
2.
GO NELLIE!! 04:33
now that i'm older i wanna write you back. i got some answers and more questions but youre 12 ft under - back to being soil, back to where you came from, back to being dead. i cant wait to die again myself. cedarburg, WI must be really pretty this time of year; rusty needles on white cedars, tall and older than you. now they got you beat cause they're still standing and you couldn't possibly. i'm sorry for taking so long to write back to you, i just couldnt find a stamp. hey Nell Chamberlain double-last-name, i keep staring at this photograph of you at Lake Michigan. it's making me cry. i know exactly why. it's cause i'm sensitive and i miss u so hard! now that i'm older i wanna write you back. i finally know the difference between people who like dogs and people who like cats: dog people like to run and scream while they cry. cat people prefer to cry naked, inside. that must be why since you died i've just been in my bed, only getting up to check the mail and love my cat and stare at this picture of you on the beach with grandpa when you were both so much younger. now that i'm older i wanna write you back. but all i have are penpals who never write me back. and you always had my back and i think i got your back cause it's sore and i'm built like you were in that picture of you at Lake Michigan.
3.
Cry/Cum 03:24
are we helping or harming ourselves and each other? i'm not in touch with myself. I only know how to touch myself. if you see me and you cant tell if i'm crying or coming in the darkness of a parked car with the soft engine humming crack a window and you'll always hear me gasp because i'm always startled by every little bump in the night i'm not lonely, just alone and horny
4.
L.M.O.T.G. 03:29
i wanna put my heart inside an envelope and send it home cause i'm not happy here. i check the mail, i always have a couple stamps in case my friends ever decide to write me back. the UPS man, he has very hairy legs! I see them april thru november, whatta guy :) remember when he brought a package to our door, tears in his eyes? he'd said his wife had died. i think i'm ugly face to face but in my letters i look good cause you can see my voice. i sent a kiss. I hope it gets there fine. i had to send it from the post office. when you reply please send a net; i have some butterflies to catch, big as pterodactyls. and if you don't reply i'll take it as a sign. i must hypothesize that you've died.
5.
Gums 05:08
you're there in your underwear, vulnerable fighter, fresh from the shower i'm here defiant in my glare, insecure accuser, i'm high for the next hour he's bad. he crawls into my nostrils, wraps himself in foil and he's getting nowhere he says "i'm not an abuser, i'm just an amuser" and i don't buy that shit. i quit. i'm not trying to create such huge gaps between us, sometimes they just grow. tectonic plates have no say in what happens, they don't know. all i feel is all i've ever been and i have never been prepared for a natural disaster. i just hope i die sometimes. i hold my breath and face my wrongs, living up to my downfalls. you've said all has been forgiven. you say you're still smitten even though i bit you right where you don't protect yourself - right in the feelings. i promise i'm still reeling. i could try to say i'm sorry in a million different ways and still feel just as guilty. when my nose bleeds i'm dreadfully reminded of his knife body and all i feel is all i've ever been and i have never been prepared for a natural disaster. i just hope i die sometimes. i hold my breath and face my wrongs, living up to my downfalls. two stab wounds: one that he gave me, and one that i gave you

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released December 13, 2018

recorded and mixed by Dylan Hanwright at Buttermilk Studios in Seattle, WA.

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BITCH FITS Seattle, Washington

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